Have you ever noticed how the world in general and the Hollywood in particular have come to stereotype us Indians? I have. And I have realized one thing. If I took a leak on their collection of information on us, I would be able to wash it away with the first wave! That’s how
much little they know about us.
I cannot figure out whether it was the real people who influenced the reel people or vice versa. However, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that Hollywood has indeed done more than its bit to stretch this whole Indian stereotype affair too far for comfort.
The quintessential college nerd-having neatly parted and oil dripped hairs, wearing sweaters and trousers (no matter what season, which makes him worse than Barbie in terms of wardrobe richness) and walking around sheepishly with a bunch of books. He’s invariably on an aid, as are most of the South Asian kids. Hello! What’s up with that, you blonde assholes? Yes, the Indians invented the zero. Even that’s a lie-One particular smartass shouldn’t count for the entire nation. Not all Indians are Einsteins! Most of us don’t have access to formal education. Look at our literacy rate! Rests of us face troubles as early as third grade. It’s not because of our brains but pushy parents and dollar dreams that we barely manage to get through our graduations without flunking once. Those IIT’s-the ones you think of as the world’s biggest number crunching nerd facilities-guys there smoke weed, sleep like logs and take pride in multiple F’s on their marksheet! So stop adulating our brains because it doesn’t feel like a compliment anymore.
And yes, not all of us are either South Indians or Punjabi. It would be like saying all Americans are Texans. And not all Indian girls are Bengalis/dusky/big eyed / greater than size 5. We have like a gazillion of religions, castes, creeds (and shapes) to choose from. Agreed we are one helluva religious nation, but we don’t name all our children after our Gods. And many of us have simple surnames consisting of two or three syllables, at most. And just because we don’t lose our V’s before 16, doesn’t mean we have a crippled sexual life later on. Those supposedly Indian guys in Hollywood movies, who always fail to score it with the chicks, they aren’t for real. Indians have sex. Plenty of it. Just take a look at our population, you dumbwits!
Oh and talking about population, whoever told you we are so populous that we take turns to breathe? Yesterday, I read in TOI how the producers of James Bond wanted to shoot a sequence in India and their idea of adding the Indian flavour was to show people travelling on the rooftop of the train! WTF! Dude you should perhaps go to Bangladesh…or Pakistan maybe. The rooftop thing is a passé; we have now graduated to derailing and ramming entire trains.
And do you go to the Statue of Liberty to say your prayers? No? Then why would we sit in front of the Taj Mahal on the day of Armageddon, begging for mercy? Almost every disaster movie (2012, Independence Day, mars Attacks etc) will show Indians thronging in front of the Taj. It’s a fucking tourist spot, not a Pyramid that stores the mystical powers of the pharaohs! It seems to me that you never considered the possibility of the Golden Temple, banks of Haridwar, Jama Masjid or Balaji as one of the probable end-of the-world party spots.
And we are not vegetables, sitting there idly, waiting to be washed away by a flood or roast in a meteor explosion. That agency called NASA that predicts and prevents Earth from one catastrophe after another? More than half of the scientists there are Indians.