Location, Timing, Planning
Choked up marketplace. Evening time. Ferocious aunties haggling with shopkeepers, listless uncles waiting impatiently to get home, street vendors trying to make the most of the rush hour and couples looking for some quite, private time. One can’t just expect to gatecrash this sort of a setting and walk away like Hrithik Roshan at IIFA awards. I doubt that within the few square meters of space available, the mob would have shaken a leg without kicking a dozen in the groin and slapping another dozen in the face.
The reason why Mumbai mob was able to tame the famed humongous crowd of CST was meticulous planning. They had practiced for weeks, sought permission of authorities and the whole act was managed perfectly. And that’s why they could pull off a stunt of that magnitude in a place that, together with Kumbh Melas, accounts for the most number of separated kith and kin, especially twins.
The Prelude Factor
The Mumbai flash mob opened up with ‘Chak De India’- the anthem of India’s youngistan. The song that gives goosebumps to dead bodies! People stood still as CST’s 100.1 speakers set stage for a truly amazing display of Mumbai’s spirit.
Back here in Delhi however, we can hear a middle-age man asking people, in his ennui ridden voice, to perform background checks on domestic helps and cautioning them against unidentified objects, suspicious strangers and terrorism. Really not the right kind of start when the idea is to mob the streets, is it? It’s like a PETA commercial being played at the inauguration of a KFC joint!
(Lack of) Background Music
Seriously guys, what were you thinking? I get it that dancing without background music might be a revolutionary concept in some parts of the world. But hey, this is India! We have a song-dance sequence for every f***ing situation. It’s our second largest product after babies!
Yes, I could hear a feeble Delhi-6 title track being played in the background, probably from someone’s Nokia 2690. You wanna match Rang De Basanti-on-CST-loudspeakers with that kinda arsenal, boy you are definitely in for a sonic surprise! And whatever happened to those shops in Nehru Place selling electronic goods for ridiculously low prices?
Nobody, and I mean nobody can get their way with Delhi police’s Haryanvi-Jatt battalion (which constitutes approximately 99% of all Delhi Police). मा पो से guys look way cooler than our home-bred badmouthed, stick wielding fiends. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is to get into an argument with a Delhi Police cop. I’m sure if it hadn’t been for the media and the dozens of pretty lasses present at the scene yesterday, a lot of guys would have gone home with burgundy buttocks!
While the Mumbai act was clearly a display of determination and the joie de vivre spirit of the city, the Delhi act looked more like a ‘Hey, me too’ thing! Coming within a few days of the Mumbai flash, it isn’t hard to understand that the Delhi act seemed more about just being noticed than anything else. In fact, at 1:12 in the video you can actually hear a guy saying- “Saare channel waale aa gaye hain, chaalu ho jao, chalu ho jao” (The media has arrived, come on start!). I rest my case.
So dear Dilliwallahs, the next time you plan to go for a flash mob, please consider these things- (a) Plan & rehearse. Half hearted throws of body parts are not that appealing (b) Visit Palika Market/Nehru Place for best buy audio equipment (c) Choose a better location (d) Get a real mob. I could only see a handful of people there in the name of a ‘mob’. And even they vanished in a ‘flash’!