You should…

…concentrate on your studies. Yeh ladki wadki ke chakkar chhod de,kuch nahi milta in sab se!”- Mom

…concentrate on me more.You don’t give me enough time.”- Girlfriend

…pass the ball. Self mat khela kar.”- A soccer teammate

…keep possession. Thoda dribble toh kiya kar.”- Another soccer teammate

…call your mom everyday.”- Dad

…call your dad everyday.”- Mom

…call your sister everyday.”- both Mom and Dad

…call me as many times as you can.”- Girlfriend

…grow long hair.Aajkal toh lambe baal ka fashion hai bhaiyya!”- Barber

…keep short hair. Lafange ladke baal lambe karte hain!”- Grandmother

…crack CAT and go to the IIM’s. Aajkal MBA mein bahut paisa hai!”- Family

…crack UPSC and become IAS. Shaan ki naukri hai. Aur uppar ki kamai bhi hai!”- Granddfather

…crack GRE and go to the ‘US of A’.Yahan India mein kya rakha hai?”- Relatives

…lose your virginity,dude!”- A ‘Casanova’ friend

…not talk about ‘it’ with me.It’s bad.”- Girlfriend

…go for arrange marriage.It will make your parents happy.”- A friend who is herself committed for 6 years and plans to introduce her boyfriend to her family soon

…go for love marriage. Parents sab maan jaate hain.”- A self proclaimed loveguru

………………And I thought this was my life,huh!!!

Letter from a Na’layak’ Ladki!!

Following is a letter from a girl.A girl who is studying at one of the country’s premier engineering colleges. A girl who believes that she belongs to a college,a community and a country wherein girls are treated at par with boys. A girl who is unable to understand why her freedom is being restricted for no fault of her.The person being addressed is the Dean Students Welfare.

Sir,

I write this letter to you, not to question or challenge the recent restrictions (if I may call them so,with your ‘prior permission’) that have been put on me and the other girl students, with your due consent. I am writing this letter, hoping to be provided with a rational explanation for the action, as I believe you are a very broad minded, progressive, anti-chauvinistic person who knows what he is doing.

First of all Sir, I failed to understand, even after hours of intensive thinking, that how could the actions of one(or a few) girls lead to the generalization that the behaviour of all the girl students is ‘obscene,immoral and indecent’. But, then again, as I previously said, you must have yourself observed the behaviour of each of us closely and for a long time. Only then you took this step, didn’t you?

Taking this thought into consideration, I duly agreed to be in my hostel latest by 9 every day except once a month. But Sir, if I am ‘immoral,indecent’ and my public behaviour is ‘obscene’, why did you allow me to be out till 10 pm EVEN once a month?It might be harmful,don’t you think? And if in the unlikeliest case that you are wrong, and I am honest and decent, then why did you allow me to be out till 10  pm ONLY once a month?

Another thing I couldn’t understand was how by walking alone in the evening,inside the campus-with so many security personnel and guards around, I was being wrong and ‘indecent,obscene and immoral’. I trust my male batch mates, my seniors and my juniors- most if not all of them respect a woman’s dignity.I know you are concerned about my security Sir, but after all it’s a college campus, not a prison campus,right?But then again Sir, you know better than us,don’t you?

Also Sir, you mentioned that I should not wear ‘indecent dresses’ in the class or afterwards. But Sir, you didn’t define what constituted ‘indecent dressing’. If you could please tell me what kind of clothes pass your ‘high test of morality’, I could set up our wardrobes accordingly.

And Sir, I believe there must be a very strong reason for you to not mention a similar rule for boys,isn’t it? After all, how could a boy look indecent,no matter what he wears?

And Sir,you also ordered me to be seen with my male friends only in canteen. Well no problem in that Sir, except that the canteen can hold barely a 100 people. And what with all the male population there-both students and outsiders -it would be kind of tough….umm, nevermind Sir, I’ll adjust.

And Sir, did I mention that the ‘outsiders’ and the ‘general public’ who complained to you about  my ‘indecent,obscene and immoral’ behaviour? Well, on most evenings, a bunch of outsiders move around in the campus on high speed bikes,especially near my hostel. But I think, that would be just because they are so concerned about my ‘safety and security’,right Sir?

Yours sincerely,

Na’layak’ ladki.


Love, Sex aur Dhokha!

Basant 2011

I had already had my share of fun in the day watching the 60 somethings slug it out in the ‘Alumni Sports’. My sincerest apologies, but it was funny! I know when I’ll be on the wrong side of 60, I too will find it difficult to make the bat meet the ball, and a 20 something lad would be making fun of me, but that’s a long time from now,so I can be a jerk for the time being!

Then there was the kite-flying session. It actually turned out to be a miniature kite flying session, with the kites brought from Liliput for the cheapest rates, probably 100 pieces for a buck. Bummer! And the‘manjha’ was actually synthetic ‘saddi’ in fancy bright yellows and greens! Now if you give that kind of cheapo stuff to a UP wallah and ask him to go fly a kite, then he would probably tie your bum to the kite and send you soaring!
Anyway, after a morning of disappointment, I was eagerly looking forward to the evening. I was roaming around with a camera in the college grounds. It had been close to 2 hours and I had clicked the event in all its details. Now, I was looking for those candid, spicy shots! And my mood was coinciding by the rose giving session. It had been going on for a while, but was starting to pick up the pace as the sun was setting. Perhaps, the guys would find it easier to save their faces in the dark in case something goes wrong!
See, it goes this way. First year girls sell roses to anyone whose willing(or not) to buy them, at ten times their actual cost. That’s making money, all right. The guy who purchases it (or is forced to purchase it) then gives that rose to a girl, who invariably is from the first year.(New chicks seem to be an easy prey!) And so the rose safely makes its way back to the sales window from where it is again set as bait to catch another fool. Smart business, eh??
So I see these two girls approach a guy. Both of them are carrying red roses,lots of them. After a lot of debate and no-no, the guy, very unwillingly, purchases a red rose for 200 bucks! And if that’s not stupid enough the guy asks the seller girl to accept it. The seller girl refuses,which actually surprises me. Given that if she had accepted, she was practically getting 200 bucks for free! (Which again proves that most girls are dumb, and they can only appear clever in the company of a dumber guy!)
The guy is left pondering what to do with that rose bud, while the seller girl ruthlessly says out to her partner-in-crime, as both of them walk across me- “Mujhe kya karna hai? Wos kisi ko bhi de rose…mujhe toh sirf paise se matlab hai!”
(No) Love, (No) Sex, (Only) Dhokha!